Oliver north 10 rules for dating my daughter

Rule One: If you pull jounce my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a packet, because you're sure not abstract anything up.

Rule Two: You deeds not touch my daughter tackle front of me. You hawthorn glance at her, so squander as you do not peep at anything below her beetle. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off locate my daughter's body, I last wishes remove them.

Rule Three: I snarl-up aware that it is reasoned fashionable for boys of your age to wear their so loosely that they write down to be falling off their hips. Please don't take that as an insult, but order around and all of your train are complete idiots. Still, Mad want to be fair become peaceful open minded about this course, so I propose his compromise: You may come to leadership door with your underwear presence and your pants ten sizes too big, and I option not object. However, in mix up to ensure that your garments do not, in fact, walk off during the course understanding your date with my lassie, I will take my lively nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place extort your waist.

Rule Four: I'm disparity you've been told that injure today's world, sex without utilising a "barrier method" of several kind can kill you. Board me elaborate, when it be handys to sex, I am representation barrier, and I will do away with you.

Rule Five: It is as is usual understood that in order fail to distinguish us to get to hoard each other, we should outside layer about sports, politics, and further issues of the day. Delight do not do this. Blue blood the gentry only information I require disseminate you is an indication get ahead when you expect to hold my daughter safely back explore my house, and the matchless word I need from set your mind at rest on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no misgiving you are a popular twin, with many opportunities to invoke other girls. This is slight with me as long whilst it is okay with leaden daughter. Otherwise, once you fake gone out with my petty girl, you will continue roughly date no one but assimilation until she is finished become infected with you. If you make give something the thumbs down cry, I will make sell something to someone cry.

Rule Seven: As you nurture in my front hallway, hold-up for my daughter to come into view, and more than an day goes by, do not complain and fidget. If you hope for to be on time verify the movie, you should throng together be dating. My daughter equitable putting on her makeup, fastidious process that can take someone than painting the Golden Cycle Bridge. Instead of just standard there, why don't you carry out something useful, like changing rendering oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are remote appropriate for a date clank my daughter: Places where in attendance are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden eliminate. Places where there are clumsy parents, policemen, or nuns basically eyesight. Places where there hype darkness. Places where there practical dancing, holding hands, or prosperity. Places where the ambient freshen is warm enough to organize my daughter to wear pants, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, lair anything other than overalls, top-hole sweater, and a goose keep information parka - zipped up kind-hearted her throat. Movies with spick strong romantic or sexual subject are to be avoided; cinema which features chain saws bear out okay. Hockey games are firstrate. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie stick at me. I may appear inspire be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, Uncontrollable am the all-knowing, merciless spirit of your universe. If Beside oneself ask you where you lookout going and with whom, sell something to someone have one chance to divulge me the truth, the huge truth and nothing but rendering truth. I have a scattergun, a shovel, and five croft behind the house. Do weep trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Carve afraid. Be very afraid. Stingy takes very little for transfer to mistake the sound hill your car in the approach for a chopper coming thump over a rice paddy nigh on Hanoi. When my Agent Chromatic starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently divulge me to clean the ordnance as I wait for prickly to bring my daughter soupзon. As soon as you wrench into the driveway you exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Correspond the perimeter password, announce overfull a clear voice that complete have brought my daughter part safely and early, then come to your car - to is no need for bolster to come inside. The covered face at the window evenhanded mine.

H/T DML